I talk to lots of women. It's a large part of my work. And do you know what I have learned? The basis for every problem we think we have is the thought, "I'm not good enough."
"I'm not a good enough mom."
"I'm not a good enough student."
"I'm not a good enough employee."
"I'm not a good enough person."
It wears many disguises, but this is the underlying thought.
"I'm behind where I should be."
"There's a right path to happiness."
"I don't have enough to give."
"I don't have the right skills."
Who told you that? You may have a particular memory of someone telling you that you weren't good enough. You replay that moment in your mind when you feel things aren't going your way. Or perhaps no one ever straight up told you that you weren't enough, but you felt their judgment and silent criticism.
Are you sitting in that moment now, relieving that shame or pain?
If you can identify with this, I have the best news. You can choose to stop relieving the humiliation and despair.
The pain isn't coming from a past event. The pain comes from what you currently think that experience means for you and who you are. You have the option to stop including it as a part of your identity.
All you have to do to free yourself from unworthiness to stop beating yourself down by thinking what someone told you or did to you in the past means you aren't good enough. The only person calling you inadequate at this moment is you.
It's going to be uncomfortable to stop and look at facts of a situation that feels like more proof that you aren't good enough. It's just because you haven't practiced enough.
You can choose, right now, today to reframe your past and think of it differently. What if everything you have experienced to this point made you exactly who you are supposed to be at this moment?
How can that be wrong? How can that be not good enough? What if your worthiness is just a gift, simply because you exist? What if you weren't supposed to get the degree, have the dream job, a certain amount of money or the right relationship just yet? Not because you weren't good enough, but just because you hadn't had a particular experience, or it takes longer than you thought, or there were obstacles you had to overcome to become the person who had the thing you are looking for. Or you had to believe that you deserve it, unapologetically.
Our past can't hurt us unless we carry it around with us and feed it with our thoughts and attention. We are the only ones who can decide we aren't good enough.
We can choose to look forward to who we are becoming instead. By doing so, we can decide to feel anticipation, pride, confidence, and joy instead of shame, humiliation, and pain.
What will you choose?
Coaching is the path that helped me choose myself and to quiet the inner voices telling me I was inadequate or not quite up to the task. I want to be that safe place for you to practice building self-worth and confidence.